Parents! If you can't beat them, collaborate!

Parenting  is a creative task. And you could be having a lot of joy doing it. If parenting your child is causing you a lot of stress, chances are you could use some help seeing your way more clearly. As Ross Greene (author of the Explosive Child ) says, if the child could do well, she/he would. So, if she/he is not doing well, she/he is not trying to be bad on purpose. You are not being manipulated. And if the "kid is just looking to get attention" there is nothing wrong with paying some attention. Maybe there is something that does need attention but the child cannot put words to it or have a mature and rational discussion about it.
Here's a link to some videos on Ross Greene's site that explains the concept of involving your child in the process of making decisions about situations that seem to be constantly causing conflict in the home (or school, or anywhere else for that matter) So visit livesinthebalance.org for some practical ideas.

Stress, Relaxation, and Sleep

This is a quote from helpguide.org:

Common internal causes of stress

Not all stress is caused by external factors. Stress can also be self-generated.

Stress Warning Signs and Symptoms

·                     Inability to accept uncertainty

·                     Pessimism

·                     negative self-talk

·                     Unrealistic expectations

·                     Perfectionism    

·                     Lack of assertiveness

Cognitive Symptoms

·                     Memory problems

·                     Inability to concentrate

·                     Poor judgment

·                     Seeing only the negative

·                     Anxious or racing thoughts

·                     Constant worrying

Emotional Symptoms

·                     Moodiness

·                     Irritability or short temper

·                     Agitation, inability to relax

·                     Feeling overwhelmed

·                     Sense of loneliness and isolation

·                     Depression or general unhappiness

Physical Symptoms

·                     Aches and pains

·                     Diarrhea or constipation

·                     Nausea, dizziness

·                     Chest pain, rapid heartbeat

·                     Loss of sex drive

·                     Frequent colds

Behavioural Symptoms

·                     Eating more or less

·                     Sleeping too much or too little

·                     Isolating yourself from others

·                     Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities

·                     Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax

·                     Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

There are relaxation audios on the net you can download.  Try Relaxation Audio by Steve Sprinkle.

And here's a quote from helpguide.org that gives some suggestions on what type of relaxation technique to use depending on the kind of stress symptoms you feel.

Stress Response:

Overexcited

Symptoms: You tend to become angry, agitated, or keyed up under stress

Relaxation Technique: You may respond best to relaxation techniques that quiet you down, such as meditation, deep breathing, or guided imagery

Under excited

Symptoms: You tend to become depressed, withdrawn, or spaced out under stress

Relaxation Technique: You may respond best to relaxation techniques that are stimulating and that energize your nervous system, such as rhythmic exercise

Frozen (both overexcited and under excited at the same time – like pressing on the brakes and gas simultaneously)

Symptoms: You tend to freeze: speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others

Relaxation Technique: Your challenge is to identify relaxation techniques that provide both safety and stimulation to help you “reboot” your system. Techniques such as mindfulness walking or power yoga might work well for you

And finally, here are some ideas for better sleep, For more suggestions visit the Mayo Clinic.
·         Follow a bed-time ritual that queues the brain to relax the mind and body for sleep;
·         no electronic stimuli in the bedroom, or 1 hour before planned sleep time;
·         a warm/hot non decaf. drink before bedtime;
·         hot bath with lavender;
·         lavender mist (essential oil only) on the pillow;
·         room darkening shades;
·         journal at bedside with a written rule--No Thinking During Sleep Hours--initially if excessive event related stress, upon awakening during night "download" thoughts and feelings into journal--allow no more than 5 minutes, then resume bedtime/sleep rituals;
·         have alternate bed/sleep area to move to if necessary;
·         use relaxation CDs before sleeping and during sleep if necessary;
·         at least 20 minutes of brisk exercise per day; yoga or similar energy work

Meditation

There is a big solid debate about meditation vs medication. But if you want to give it a try and see how meditation can help you with your mood and your focus visit Dr Dan Siegel's resource page and listen to the Wheel of Awareness meditation. This is an effective and research-supported practice that is brief and won't cost you anything. Remember to right-click on the "download" links and "save target" to your hard drive or mp3 player. 

Writing and Your Health

This is something you can do for yourself that pays off big with no more investment than a pen and some paper. 

There is evidence that writing helps improve your mental, emotional, and physical health. Check Professor James Pennebaker's site for why and how (http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/HomePage/Faculty/Pennebaker/Home2000/WritingandHealth.html)

Below is a brief quote from his page. 

"Getting Ready to Write   Find a time and place where you won?t be disturbed. Ideally, pick a time at the end of your workday or before you go to bed.
Promise yourself that you will write for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least 3 or 4 consecutive days.
Once you begin writing, write continuously. Don?t worry about spelling or grammar. If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have already written.
You can write longhand or you can type on a computer. If you are unable to write, you can also talk into a tape recorder.
You can write about the same thing on all 3-4 days of writing or you can write about something different each day. It is entirely up to you.
What to Write About   Something that you are thinking or worrying about too much
Something that you are dreaming about
Something that you feel is affecting your life in an unhealthy way
Something that you have been avoiding for days, weeks, or years"

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Try writing about some painful memories in this way. It won't take the place of a non-judgmental friend or a counsellor who would acknowledge your suffering but it helps putting things into perspective, in a coherent narrative that like could make sense.  


Also check out Sharon Lippincott's blog on the topic of "life writing".