A hopeful biography about healing from incest 

by Julia Elizabeth Caroll

Why exercise?

Good exercise, meaning a kind that suits YOU, can help reduce your stress and lift your mood. Exercise that you actually LIKE to do, and not one you feel you HAVE to do, is chemically as good for your nervous system as an antidepressant that doesn't cause you side effects. It is somewhat cheaper too ;-) But of course it is hard to get off the couch to go exercise when you do feel down and depressed and don't feel there's any point in doing much else. But knowing that you can help low mood pass might be useful.

Here's an encouraging  booklet that has some good information about exercise. 

Meltdowns

It helps if we look at children as people doing their best to be happy. And when things go off the rails, and they get frustrated, they might throw a tantrum, have a melt down, become dysregulated, come unglued, or in other words, feel overwhelmed and lose control.

It helps if in times like this, we help our children regain their 'senses', by connecting them to their senses. Children, and we all for that matter, have more than the five senses they talk about in schools. Watch this video to get to know two other very important senses that we have, that we need to feed, in order to stay grounded and calm.

And watch this one to learn a simple technique to help your child regain his sense of control in his body, first by practicing it after meltdowns, and then by just doing it at times throughout the day so your child can stay in his body and build resilience to stress.

Dealing with Teen Anxiety

Here's a resource for teens/adolescents who experience anxiety (fears, avoidance, nervous behaviour, obsessions, etc). At the bottom of the page you will see a link to pageful of resources and another to an audio file. Try them and let me know what you think:  mindfulness practices for youth

Parents! If you can't beat them, collaborate!

Parenting  is a creative task. And you could be having a lot of joy doing it. If parenting your child is causing you a lot of stress, chances are you could use some help seeing your way more clearly. As Ross Greene (author of the Explosive Child ) says, if the child could do well, she/he would. So, if she/he is not doing well, she/he is not trying to be bad on purpose. You are not being manipulated. And if the "kid is just looking to get attention" there is nothing wrong with paying some attention. Maybe there is something that does need attention but the child cannot put words to it or have a mature and rational discussion about it.
Here's a link to some videos on Ross Greene's site that explains the concept of involving your child in the process of making decisions about situations that seem to be constantly causing conflict in the home (or school, or anywhere else for that matter) So visit livesinthebalance.org for some practical ideas.

Stress, Relaxation, and Sleep

This is a quote from helpguide.org:

Common internal causes of stress

Not all stress is caused by external factors. Stress can also be self-generated.

Stress Warning Signs and Symptoms

·                     Inability to accept uncertainty

·                     Pessimism

·                     negative self-talk

·                     Unrealistic expectations

·                     Perfectionism    

·                     Lack of assertiveness

Cognitive Symptoms

·                     Memory problems

·                     Inability to concentrate

·                     Poor judgment

·                     Seeing only the negative

·                     Anxious or racing thoughts

·                     Constant worrying

Emotional Symptoms

·                     Moodiness

·                     Irritability or short temper

·                     Agitation, inability to relax

·                     Feeling overwhelmed

·                     Sense of loneliness and isolation

·                     Depression or general unhappiness

Physical Symptoms

·                     Aches and pains

·                     Diarrhea or constipation

·                     Nausea, dizziness

·                     Chest pain, rapid heartbeat

·                     Loss of sex drive

·                     Frequent colds

Behavioural Symptoms

·                     Eating more or less

·                     Sleeping too much or too little

·                     Isolating yourself from others

·                     Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities

·                     Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax

·                     Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

There are relaxation audios on the net you can download.  Try Relaxation Audio by Steve Sprinkle.

And here's a quote from helpguide.org that gives some suggestions on what type of relaxation technique to use depending on the kind of stress symptoms you feel.

Stress Response:

Overexcited

Symptoms: You tend to become angry, agitated, or keyed up under stress

Relaxation Technique: You may respond best to relaxation techniques that quiet you down, such as meditation, deep breathing, or guided imagery

Under excited

Symptoms: You tend to become depressed, withdrawn, or spaced out under stress

Relaxation Technique: You may respond best to relaxation techniques that are stimulating and that energize your nervous system, such as rhythmic exercise

Frozen (both overexcited and under excited at the same time – like pressing on the brakes and gas simultaneously)

Symptoms: You tend to freeze: speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others

Relaxation Technique: Your challenge is to identify relaxation techniques that provide both safety and stimulation to help you “reboot” your system. Techniques such as mindfulness walking or power yoga might work well for you

And finally, here are some ideas for better sleep, For more suggestions visit the Mayo Clinic.
·         Follow a bed-time ritual that queues the brain to relax the mind and body for sleep;
·         no electronic stimuli in the bedroom, or 1 hour before planned sleep time;
·         a warm/hot non decaf. drink before bedtime;
·         hot bath with lavender;
·         lavender mist (essential oil only) on the pillow;
·         room darkening shades;
·         journal at bedside with a written rule--No Thinking During Sleep Hours--initially if excessive event related stress, upon awakening during night "download" thoughts and feelings into journal--allow no more than 5 minutes, then resume bedtime/sleep rituals;
·         have alternate bed/sleep area to move to if necessary;
·         use relaxation CDs before sleeping and during sleep if necessary;
·         at least 20 minutes of brisk exercise per day; yoga or similar energy work

Meditation

There is a big solid debate about meditation vs medication. But if you want to give it a try and see how meditation can help you with your mood and your focus visit Dr Dan Siegel's resource page and listen to the Wheel of Awareness meditation. This is an effective and research-supported practice that is brief and won't cost you anything. Remember to right-click on the "download" links and "save target" to your hard drive or mp3 player.